Thursday, October 22, 2009

..sHarIng Is LoVinG..

ni che yg aku ingin kongsi kan anda semua..sedih story ni..hayati la..sayangi la ibu dn ayah anda..

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder,

how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She

must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to

taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling

that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional

needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I

had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that

there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after

informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the

room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with

intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken

porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies

the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a

mess on the bedsheet and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged

straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him

a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short


"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were

not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I

remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without

any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from

the bathroom to cook the noodles. One is for you and the other is for

me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it

under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you

'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I

didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and

cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went

towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him,

while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on

the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's

room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little

buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to

focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to

most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten.

Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood

memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time,

his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from

school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to

explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling

out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop,

happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the

hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But

after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by

his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was

the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the

kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept

to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure,

would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me

proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's

winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in

every passer-by... Christmas carols and frantic shoppers.... but alas, my

son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the

day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post

master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to

post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise

never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel

that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he

apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I

pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the

letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son

on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was : The letters were for Mummy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to

ask him:

" But why did u post so many letters, at one time?"

My son's reply was:

" I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each

time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not

able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I

could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future,

if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach

mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon

after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the

letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help

opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mummy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a 'Talent Show' in school, and

the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I

did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was

afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad

went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front

of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was

furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not

tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and

whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his

room. I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think. But

Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my

dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if

you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will

see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace

the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....

For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be

some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem.

Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer

to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take

care of your little precious.

For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cos nothing can replace your good health, not

even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are

totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this

society, no one is indispensable. Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little

precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other

things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't

let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing

matters more than your well being.

p/s : ibu..ayah..rinduuu..

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